Monday, December 18, 2006

Children of the Self-Absorbed

Millions of adults grew up with immature, self-absorbed parents who made their own children responsible for their physical and emotional well-being, expected admiration and constant attention, and reacted with criticism and blame when their slightest need went unmet. In this accessible book, psychologist Nina Brown helps grown children come to terms with the results of such an upbringing, including tendencies to overcomply to others' needs, withdraw when someone needs nurturing, and lack self-esteem. Through self-exploration exercises and protective and coping strategies, Brown helps readers work toward developing a "healthy narcissism" by identifying destructive patterns their parents may have had, evaluating attitudes and behaviors that may be hampering their own adult relationships, dealing with self-doubt and other negative feelings, and piecing together a more integrated sense of self.

Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
Nina W. Brown
ISBN: 1572242310

Selected reviews from

"I knew all the scenes from growing up. They were scattered in different areas of my mind! I knew how my relationship with my mom was presently! Nothing is ever enough! I knew that she had seldom been there for me emotionally growing up or now and that I had always had to be there for her regardless of my age! I worried about her constantly. There was so much crying from her! I now understand why she is the way she is and that she'll never see me as an individual but someone there for her. All of the scenes are now in one place in my mind because they now make sense! Because of this I actually feel better about my relationship with my mom because I know where I stand and that I will continue to be there for her with the exceptions of taking care of myself and family first! I also realize the areas I need to further develop because of this upbringing! I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH NINA W. BROWN!!!!!" - D. Paris

"During my own course of therapy, I discovered that my mother was most likely a narcisstistic parent. I picked up this book and my mom fit the descriptions to a 'T.' The information is presented extrememly well, very organized - much better than other books on the topic. And it validated some of the issues I'm dealing with personally in therapy. The tone is gentle and reassuring, but not coddling. I felt like finally, somebody understood what I had been dealing with all my life. There are exercises to help you deal with overcoming issues - I've done a couple and shown them to my therapist. If you have a parent like this, wow, it's very difficult to handle the repercussions. But this book really will help." - M. Patton

"There does not seem to be very many books out there about growing up with narcissistic parents but this book truly helped me. One of my parents was (and still is) extremely narcissistic and this book allowed me to begin to heal from the harm that parent did to me during my childhood. The book explained the general characteristics of narcissistic people in a very organized way. It gave me some tools for dealing with that parent which I have begun to use successfully whenever I am in their presence. It also encouraged me to look at my own tendencies toward narcissism which I have used carefully. I do not want any type of narcissistic behaviors from me or my parent to negatively affect my child." - K. Rikkers

"You can't change a narcissist but you can change how you react to them. Nina Brown gives very useful and practical advise on dealing with the aftermath of having a narcissist for a parent and scars they leave on their children. I especially like the lack of blame here, it is what it is and it's time to do something about it. I don't think "Children of the Self-Absorbed" is only for adult children of narcissists, older teens can benefit greatly. Nina brown has written a 'must have' survival guide that will teach them how to avoid the pain that comes from expecting their parent to behave like others around them. The narcissistic parent is the center of his own universe and as such, leaves no room for their children. Learning at an early age "this is not your fault" goes miles in achieving healing for what hurts the most, rejection.
I highly recommend "Children of the Self-Absorbed."" - Carolyn Rampone