Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The Narcissist: A Piece of Work

One thing that most people don't realize about narcissists is that their fits aren't the product of a short fuse and the inability to control themselves.

To the contrary, their fits are a device to manipulate you. And before you say, "Naw, they aren't smart enough to do that," consider the average three-year-old.

Uh-huh. See? If the average three-year-old is smart enough to notice that her bawling, screaming, and antics get on your nerves like a finger nail screeching on a blackboard, a grown narcissist is able to see when his actions have the same effect on you. That three-year-old has been learning since she was an infant that her screaming really bothers you and that you'll do anything to make it stop.

That's control power. And even a three-year-old knows how to use it.

She knows just how to make your whole world a living hell by doing nothing but being as obnoxious as she can be. She knows you'll do anything to get her to stop that uproar.

Many, if not most, children will try throwing temper tantrums to get their way. If you give in to this tactic, you soon have a little monster on your hands. The same is true with a narcissist. Every time you give in to it, you reward his bad behavior.

Think back and recall the first time you noticed that a spoiled brat isn't expressing true emotion but is just putting on an act to manipulate you. I often use the example of the kid in the grocery store. He points at a candy bar and looks at Mom, his sweet bright eyes gleaming. She is reaching for some other product and says, "No, you-"

She never gets the second word out before the whole store is filled with his screaming uproar. In other words, he was one step ahead of her and ready to do that.

Everyone in the store stops dead in their tracks, wondering who is killing that kid. In fact, some do probably think someone is beating that child.

Mid-"WAAAAAAAH!" the brat's mother has already taken a quick glance around to see who's staring at her and grabs that candy bar, handing it to him.

So, mid-"WAAAAH!" the brat has switched masks again, his sweet little bright eyes gleaming over his candy bar.

That's all your narcissist is doing when he gets obnoxious. He knows he's being obnoxious. He's trying to be as obnoxious as he can be.

Because he knows that, rather than fight with that obnoxious foghorn in his face, you'll just let the brat have his way.

He isn't above that. He isn't above acting crazy. He isn't above such extreme childishness. He is shameless.He has no self respect. So, he can stoop to tactics that would make you or I disgust ourselves.

Because he is still a mental child. So, he has a one-track mind: he must have what he wants and right now.

He thinks like a child, simplistically, that power and grandeur consist in having your way with people.

Think of the irony. He he debases and disgraces himself in the very act of this grandiosity! Acting crazy is anti-grand. Acting-obnoxious and childish is anti-grand. And if you have no control over yourself, you are impotent, so how can you imagine that you control anyone else?

The narcissist is shameless and yet so proud!

Whew, what piece of work.

Kathleen Krajco