Sunday, August 05, 2007

Malignant Narcissists Are NOT Normal People

Here is an example of what I mean when I warn against assuming that narcissists act on normal human premises.

The victim thinks he can get through to her, because, "After all, why would she want to hurt me?"

Stop. He has made a wrong assumption. He is assuming that it's about him. Wrong. He is assuming that his welfare matters. Wrong.

It's ALL, ALL, ALL about her, the narcissist. Abusing him to treat him like dirt makes her feel grand. It has the same effect on her that a hit of heroin has on a drug addict. The pain in his eyes at being shamefully treated makes her feel powerful and grand to dominate and kick him around so. (Insert her inner Tarzan yell here.) His pain has a pain-killing effect on her. It makes her feel good, because this delusion seals over her deep-seated knowledge that she is scum.

So, since this balm of treating another like dirt feels good, she does it. Period.

That's all there is to a narcissist.

Nothing else matters. It's ALL, ALL, ALL about getting the next hit of her drug. Nothing else even gets considered. Which is why narcissists even damage their own children and their own business just to get a hit of their glorious drug.

Oh, and by the way, it hurts him? So what? What's that to her, the Center of the Universe? You might as well expect her to consider the consequences to some bug of not making sure she doesn't step on it.

Ask a three-year-old to consider the consequences of her actions on others. She won't, will she? She'll just refuse to. You will get just as far (= nowhere) with a 50-year-old narcissist.

She thinks you're a sap. It ain't wrong unless you get caught, and she knows how to NOT get caught. And she thinks that if you're too stupid to figure that out, you deserve whatever she does to you.

In a way, it's the victim's own ego that does him in. He won't admit that, in her esteem, he is nothing, zip, nada, zilch. That's degrading, humiliating. But it's the truth. And until he faces that fact, he is dead meat.

Kathleen Krajco