The Accountable Narcissist

Narcissists of ALL shades can usually control their behaviour and actions. They simply don't care to, they regard it as a waste of their precious time, a humiliating chore. The narcissist feels both superior and entitled – regardless of his real gifts or achievements. All others are his inferiors, his slaves, there to cater to his needs and make his existence seamless, flowing and smooth. The narcissist is cosmically significant and must be accorded the conditions needed to realise his talents and to successfully complete his mission (which changes fluidly and about which he has no clue except that it has to do with brilliance and ideal).

What the narcissist CANNOT control is his void, the emotional black hole, the fact that he doesn't know what it is like to be human (lacks empathy). As a result, narcissists are awkward, tactless, painful, taciturn, abrasive and insensitive.

The narcissist should be held accountable to most of his actions, perhaps with the exceptions of his rage and his grandiose fantasies. These are two fine examples, which allow us to make the distinction clearer.

The narcissist CANNOT control his rage and, therefore, should not be held accountable to it. BUT, if he attacks someone physically while raging, he should be held accountable because:

* He can tell right from wrong;

* He simply didn't care about the other person sufficiently to refrain from action.

Similarly, the narcissist cannot "control" his grandiose fantasies. He firmly believes that they constitute an accurate representation of reality. BUT, if he lies about his education, he should be held accountable because:

* He knows that lying is wrong and not done;

* He simply didn't care enough about society and others to refrain from doing so.

Narcissists should be held accountable for most of what they do because they can tell wrong from right AND they can refrain from acting as they do. They simply don't care enough about others to put to good use these twin abilities. Others are not sufficiently important to dent the narcissist's indifference.


Sam Vaknin