Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Why Narcissists Lie Like Crazy

Why is a narcissist's pathological lying so bizarre? Because it is just "pretending."

We can imagine it. Well, unless you've never pretended anything.

Let's say that someone wants you to go somewhere. You don't want to but feel a need to spare the other person's feelings by saying that you are busy with some big project that day. You're on the phone, talking with him or her, pretending to be taking time out from this project. As you describe the work you're doing, do you notice something?

In your mind, you actually BELIEVE what you're saying.

Hopefully, only till you hang up the phone. That's what pretending is. Now imagine being stuck in that mode. Unable to step back out of the Looking Glass Room. Rather like a child who has an imaginary friend and expects Mother to set a place for that friend at the dinner table.

That's why narcissists tell you lies they know you couldn't possibly believe. They are just children playing Pretend. Like any little child playing Pretend, they get mad at any other child who doesn't play along. They cry, "No! You're not supposed to say/do THAT! You're supposed to say/do THIS!"

That's all narcissists want: they just want you to play along. Otherwise you make it hard for them to pretend.

But they couldn't care less what you think. Indeed, you DON'T think in their game of Pretend, because you are just a character in a work of fiction they author by revising reality serendipitously on the fly. You know - improvisation.

Kathleen Krajco