Sunday, February 11, 2007

Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist

Christina, a successful 38-year-old real estate agent, was very happy with Len, who initially overwhelmed her with compliments, care and concern; once she had fallen in love with him, he suddenly began to insist that his needs and plans and schedules come first. Christina was in love with a narcissist—and in their new guide, the authors of Men Who Can't Love tell how to recognize such a beast, the dangers of loving one and strategies for ending a relationship with a person who always puts "me" first. The authors point out that we all may exhibit narcissistic tendencies at times, but the true narcissist is incapable of a give-and-take relationship. The authors acknowledge that they are writers, not therapists, and base their theories on anecdotes, written in very accessible language, rather than on academic research. Many interviews were conducted with both men and women completely seduced by narcissists, who can, according to the authors, be extremely charismatic. Carter and Sokol detail behavioral cues that can identify a narcissist and look at the causes of narcissism, chief among them being raised by narcissistic parents. Carter and Sokol provide a number of coping skills for those involved with narcissists, but their advice boils down to taking care of yourself first and seeking outside support.

Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist
by Steven Carter, Julia Sokol
ISBN-10: 1590770773
ISBN-13: 978-1590770771


Caught in a triangle with the love of your life? Can't figure out why he is so happy with you one day and with another woman the next? If you never heard of narcissism and are not in a happy relationship, read this book. It is an easy read that translates the difficult to understand jargon about a serious and not uncommon personality disorder into common language set in the context of partner relationships. What is lacking is help on distinguishing from "normal" levels of selfishness and self-centeredness and the toxic kind that invariably leads to egregious emotional abuse. The subject is mentioned but not really addressed. At any level, narcissism is something to avoid. At the toxic level, it is time to bail. This book is a guide to spotting the toxic narcissist that may be breaking your heart. It will free you to give up and get out. - A. Lee Bruno

I now understand why all my relationships with men have ended badly and why I am continually hurt. I keep falling in love with toxic narcissists. The book explained to me what I have been doing and how to stop doing it. This book was so good and so life changing that I sent a copy to my sister and have recommended the book to friends who have had disastrous relationships with men. As for me, six months ago I cancelled a wedding and walked away from a man who I now understand was a toxic narcissist. Until I read the book, I could not stop weeping I was so wounded by his actions. Now, I UNDERSTAND that it was nothing I did or can ever change. He has a personality disorder. I recommend this book for every woman (and man) who has ever had a romantic relationship with a selfish, hurtful person. You don't have to keep doing it. Read the book, understand, protect yourself, and be happy! - H. Laughlin

I've read every book there is on narcissism, and this is the best. It captured my experience to a "t" and offered the most comprehensive and detailed information (without being clinical or boring) on all facets of the disorder. It was such a relief to have a name (and description) for the incredible insanity I lived through with my narcissistic partner. I especially loved the story about the man who lovingly made a sandwich for his girlfriend at a party. Anyone who's been involved with a narcissist can relate to the twisted truth of what actually happened when the story unfolded. Fascinating stuff and a real lifesaver. If you want to understand how you got involved with this type of person -- and how to avoid it in the future -- this is the book for you. - Cookie (TX)

This book was recommended to me by a Surviving Narcissist Help Group that I belong to. I was married to one (narcissist) and what in the world happened to me while I was with him was horrendous. I did a lot of research after our split to find out why I thought I was so screwed up, wrong, moody, etc. (words he called me all of the time). It was not me. I recommend this book to anyone who has ever dealt with a Narcissist, been married to one or are still married to one, the child of one, the co-worker of one. If you don't get out, you will never find yourself again. Reading this book, which was clear, concise, to the point, honest, in your face was like reading the story of my short term marriage to my ex narcissist -- there is hope, but healing from the hurts of a narcissist are longer to get over with. This book will show you what really goes on in the mind of a narcissist. I never had a clue as to what a narcissist was -- now I know!!! The world is full of them, and this is recommended reading so that you can see what the warning signs are -- I wish I had known!!! I saw all of the "red flags" but chose to ignore them, being totally naive as to what a Narcissist is. Read it and decide for yourself; I highly recommend this book!!! - Deborah G. Donahue "Nsurvivor" (NM USA)

This book has been SO affirming for me. It describes TO THE LETTER my ex-fiancé who is a textbook toxic Narcissist. I have nearly 2/3 of the book underlined because it happened to me! I cannot believe that this syndrome is so describable. Steven Carter and Julia Sokol have done an exemplary job of shedding light on this personality disorder that is not well understood by the general public. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED READING! - Chandra (Lake Tahoe, CA)