When Dad Hurts Mom

When Dad Hurts Mom

by Lundy Bancroft

ISBN-10: 0399151109
ISBN-13: 978-0399151101

Book Description

In this groundbreaking book, a leading expert on domestic abuse and its effects turns his unique perspective on the littlest victims of spousal abuse-the children.

More than two-thirds of abused women have children, and the overwhelming majority of those children witness one or more incidents of violence. And that number would be even greater if we include children who have watched their mothers be verbally abused and intimidated. Studies have shown that children's exposure to domestic abuse is linked to virtually every category of emotional and behavioral problems.

When Dad Hurts Mom offers comfort, understanding, and a concrete plan of action to any woman concerned about the distress being caused to her children by her angry, controlling, or abusive partner. Written for mothers, this book aims to enlighten women about the effects of abuse on children, how an abusive partner distorts familial relationships, and what can be done about it.

Abused mothers are desperately seeking guidance on how to help their children heal from the abuse they witness. This is the first book to provide these women with the insight, support, and, most important, the solutions they need.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Nearly three-quarters of women who are chronically mistreated by their partners have children. In this sensitive, respectful book, counselor, speaker, trainer and activist Bancroft (Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men) gives those women ways to help their children heal from the pain of seeing such abuse. Using anecdotes, Q&As, bulleted "points to remember" and a caring but firm tone, Bancroft tells abused mothers exactly what actions they should take to help their children. Don’t blame children (or yourself), he says, and let children know it’s good to talk about the verbal or physical abuse they’ve been exposed to. Bancroft coaches moms to tell their children abuse is wrong, but warns them not to criticize the abuser as a person if he is a father-figure to the children. Bancroft’s important book addresses peripheral issues, too, such as the effects of separation and divorce, and dealing with child protective services and the family court system.

From Booklist
Bancroft draws on 16 years of counseling men who abuse women and as a custody evaluator and child-abuse investigator to offer sound advice to women who are abused by their partners and are concerned about the impact on their children. Without judging women in abusive situations, Bancroft emphasizes that they are in the best position to help their children heal after witnessing abuse. She begins by describing how children view abuse from verbal put-downs of their mother to physical abuse and how their conflict and confusion manifest in a range of symptoms from sleeping and eating disorders to underperformance in school. She ends each chapter with action guidelines for women called "What Can I Do?" Bancroft analyzes the pros and cons of deciding whether to stay with or leave an abusive partner and offers coping strategies that include teaching children to be open about their feelings and devising a "safety plan" of escape if necessary. She also offers advice on choosing therapists and support groups, and practical skills for rebuilding the family. Vanessa Bush Copyright © American Library Association.