Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Inferiors Wanted: Apply to the Narcissist

The narcissist is attracted to people that are inferior to him. Associating with these people makes the narcissist feel superior and confident that he can maintain his narcissist supply and control his supply. Although, he would like to socialize with the high status people whose names he frequently drops, these individuals will seldom tolerate the narcissist's inappropriate behavior for any length of time and in actuality these individuals evoke fear in the narcissist. People with a true sense of self, greater wealth, higher education, higher status, better looks, or greater intelligence make the narcissist anxious although he would never admit it. The narcissist feels a great repulsion for his equals. He sees these people as a possible source of narcissistic injury. He knows also that these people will not be around long because he is unable to hold their interest. His depth of knowledge in any subject is limited and his main topic of conversation centers on himself.

The narcissist preys on those that have a need for him and he exploits them endlessly. Those individuals whose intellectual pursuits are limited are easy victims. People who are inferior to him are easier for the narcissist to control and manipulate. He is better able with these people to be the center of attention--one of his main quests in life. As long as they have a need for the narcissist, he knows that they will be around to give him narcissistic supply.

The narcissist is completely aware that these people are inferior to him, but in order for him to associate with them he must give these inferiors special qualities. The elements of these qualities are not present, but are a part of the narcissist's fantasy world. The narcissist may assign to a drug addict a high IQ to prove to others that this individual is worthy of his association. Since the narcissist is a pathological liar by nature, he will back his tale up with some form of validation. He must be able to say, "I associate with him because..."

The narcissist must hear the words, "You are great, wonderful, funny, the smartest man alive." He knows that he will never hear these words from his superiors or his equals. But, if his inferiors need him for something, they will easily verbalize these words. He knows his inadequacies and he knows that he can't fool his superiors or equals for long.

The narcissist will also use his inferiors as a source for obtaining narcissistic supply. For instance, if someone is known to attract people that might be of benefit to the narcissist, the narcissist will befriend that person using him or her as a means to acquire narcissistic supply. A narcissist knows no limits when he searches for narcissistic supply and a narcissist is only in a state of satisfaction when he has narcissistic supply. Sadly, the tendency for the narcissist to secure narcissistic supply from his inferiors can make those living around the narcissist feel uncomfortable. A stream of undesirable characters is likely to flow through their life.

However, those that the narcissist secure as narcissistic supply do not always have to be inferior in statue. The narcissist seeks those that are gullible. They must be gullible enough to believe the narcissist's pathological lies, his self-aggrandizement, or must be vulnerable in some way that the narcissist will be able to use them to enhance his own needs. So the narcissist does not always use those of inferior statue as a supply. Therefore, there might not be the ever-flowing stream of undesirables, but individuals who are gullible or in some way enhance the ego of the narcissist.

The problem with being the narcissist's supply of adoration is that it does not come without verbal abuse and negation. In the end the narcissist will verbally abuse his supply in such a manner that if they do not need him excessively he will run his supply off. This is what the narcissist fears most--the lost of his supply. Unfortunately the narcissist is a narcissist and, therefore, is incapable of being anything but a narcissist. In the end he accomplishes what he fears most--losing his narcissistic supply. The narcissist is also so paranoid that it is difficult for others to withstand his paranoid episodes. All things considered, usually the greatest amount of time that anyone can take the narcissist's paranoia and the abuse dispensed by the narcissist is two-three months. Then his supply needs a break.

It is not unusual for the narcissist when he realizes that he is losing his supply to change courses. He might mimic actions which indicate that he cares about the supply in order to bring his supply back to him. The important word here is mimic. Since the narcissist's emotions are so deeply repressed, he does not know how to react consciously with his emotions. What he is reacting to is fear--the fear of losing his narcissistic supply. He has, however, watched others over the course of his life demonstrate emotion. Therefore, he might say certain words or behave in such a manner that indicates he has emotions. These are only transit periods and should not in anyway be taken to mean that the narcissist is demonstrating genuine emotions for his supply. His supply will always be just an object. Objects can easily be thrown away and he knows this. But, it is much easier for him to keep a supply than it is for him to go out looking for another source of supply. He simply wants to bring his supply back into his control. Then the vicious cycle will begin again.

The narcissist seeks to evoke reactions in others. The narcissist's supply does not always have to provide him with positive attention. If the narcissist is able to invoke negative emotions in someone then that is fine with him. As long as he can trigger an individual to respond to either his behavior or his verbalizations then he is satisfied. He desires attention whether it is positive or negative.

The narcissist is not in touch with his emotions. Therefore, he does not care how he hurts others. He does not see others as human beings with feelings and needs. He has no empathy for others and cares only for himself. The narcissist never completely lets go of any individual he has found that can provide him with narcissistic supply until he finds that he can no longer stir up any type of sensation in that person whether it be positive or negative. Only then will the narcissist let go. Or, if the narcissist finds a better source of narcissistic supply he will quickly throw you away.

Should We Call Them Human?

Monday, October 30, 2006

Narcissists are Pathological Liars

Narcissists will say ANYTHING. They tell the wildest lies conceivable. Unless you know a narcissist well, you will never be able to divine a conceivable motive for most of his lies. Narcissists lie gratuitously, about matters great and small. Their lies are an affront to your right to see what you see, hear what you hear, and know what you know. They won't hesitate to say that black is white or that square is round. They lie to you about facts they know you know. They lie to you about what you have said and done. Even if you said or did it only one second ago. They lie to you about what they have said and done in your presence.

A narcissist lives in a world that is a work of art, a product of his own imagination, a mere apparition. So, appearances are all that count. He wants the objects in his world to NOT contradict the illusions he creates. Since he wants to control your behavior, not your thinking, he thinks nothing of telling you lies that you could not possibly believe. Then he just throws a fit if you contradict them.

How does he get people to let his boldfaced lies pass? That's easy. Child's play. In early childhood he learned how to control people with temper tantrums.

Let's say, for example, that he has just, out of the blue, spoken to you abusively in a manner that treats you dirt. You tell hem not to talk to you like that. He will deny what he just said and the tone he said it in. Reflexively. You can count on it. Every single time.

Being amoral, his behavior is chosen solely on the basis of whether it gets him what he wants. At an early age, he learned that behaving like a cantankerous, irrational three-year-old works. So, he never gives it up. To win an argument, you must get down to its level. So, he brings it down to a level lower than you care to stoop. He knows you feel it's beneath you to engage in such childishness. Since he has no self respect, he is shameless, and behaving this way is not beneath him.

But, no matter how big a fit they throw if you don't, letting the narcissist's lies pass is a big mistake. It facilitates his delusions, and it gives him a power rush in thus cramming his insults to your intelligence down your throat. You are spoiling that brat and making a monster of him by doing this. Yet people make this mistake because of their GOOD qualities. They make it because they do not want to get down to his level and fight all the time.

I used to ponder whether the narcissists I knew believed their outrageous lies. But I eventually saw that it's a moot point. For one thing, people can willfully believe a known lie. For another thing, people can believe a thing one minute, believe it not the next, and believe it again the third. That's not true belief. That's a psychedelic trip.

Kathleen Krajco

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Narcissists while mentally ill are not insane

“When inevitable punishment does come, the narcissist is shocked and irritated by the nuisance. Being punished also proves to him and validates what he suspected all along: that he is being persecuted.” – Sam Vaknin

“This is why narcissists, psychopaths, and sexual predators go to jail for what they do. Though mentally ill, they are not "insane." An insane mind is an unsound mind — a broken mind, a brain that doesn't work properly, a brain that sees and hears things that aren't there, a brain that cannot distinguish reality from imagination, a brain that can't reason. The insane stick out among us like sore thumbs. But narcissists, psychopaths, and sexual predators pass for normal. That's because, physiologically, their brains work just fine. Indeed, some are rocket scientists. Some are ingeniously cunning. So their brains function magnificently when they want them to. All are perfectly rational when they want to be. They devise and control their behaviour, doing their dirty deeds only on the sly. They are therefore absolutely responsible for what they do.” - Kathleen Krajco

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Sack Manto - Sack Winkie

Quite by accident I came across the Sack Manto website.

For those not in the know Manto Tshabalala-Msimang is South Africa's Minister of Health under whose leadership 800 South Africans are dying per day because of AIDS related illnesses.

Here was someone doing real tangible damage on a massive scale which all can see yet few do anything about.

It struck me that there was little wonder why narcissists get away with their ‘crimes’ for so long when here was a person personally responsible for the largely preventable deaths of hundreds of people per day with hardly a murmur from within South Africa and across the world.

With this website at least someone was doing something about it. Bravo!

Following the example I decided to 'do' something about narcissism and the trail of destruction, both human and institutional, narcissists leave in their wake.

This blog is therefore dedicated to encouraging individuals and communities to stand up to narcissists and expose their methods and activities at every opportunity.